(I’d like to start out by stating that this article is mainly for women, but there will be information included that anyone may find helpful.)
Sex, specifically the feminine side of it, has been a subject of taboo in the western world for far too long. To this day we have doctors who deny the fact that women are capable of having orgasms. Women's health has been so widely neglected, to the point that sexual health isn't addressed unless something has already gone wrong.
Some of us find ourselves with low sex drives, weak sensations inside of the vagina, and weak orgasms. Sometimes we find ourselves in the unfortunate situation of being incapable of reaching climax at all.
Address and eliminate the cause of low sex drive.
An unusually low sex drive can be caused by quite a few things. Sometimes our hormones are imbalanced, and so our natural sexual drive disappears. In this case, there are a few exercises I will share with you below to help correct this naturally.
We may feel like our partners aren't satisfying our needs so we don't look at sex in a positive light. We come to suppress our desire for it.
Maybe we feel tired, drained, and more stressed afterwards, because making love doesn't feel like “making love should.”
Determine whether you and your partner are a good match.
One of the reasons i have personally experienced low sex drive is because my partner at the time was addicted to pornography. Due to his addiction, my sexual needs weren’t being met. I was denied sex practically every time I initiated because he felt his body couldn't handle any more stimulation. When we did have sex I was left unsatisfied because the act was seemingly derived from a place of domination and selfish satisfaction on his side. Sometimes I found myself dwelling on feelings of humiliation because I allowed him to do things to me that I would have normally been opposed to because I thought that he would want to be with me more if I didn't ‘nag’ or ‘complain.’ over time, I stopped looking forward to sex because everything revolving around it was a disappointment so my naturally strong drive shriveled up and died.
The few times I did speak my mind and shared what I needed to change in our sex life, my requests were ignored. Long story short, that relationship did not last.
In this rare case, my partner was unwilling to change his ways. I felt this wasn't fair to me, so I ‘eliminated’ him from my life with a clean conscience. We all deserve to be with a loving partner who respects us and cares about our needs as much as they care about their own.
Back on the subject of pornography,
As far as my observations go, some men who have been exposed to it are programmed to think that sex is supposed to be like the experiences witnessed on the computer screen. Unfortunately, the 'lovemaking' they now know is unnatural and imbalanced. They act out these fantasies seen on the screen with the help of ego-filled encouragement which makes them think they're doing everything their partner ever dreamed of. So many women aren't being satisfied in the ways we naturally have a desire for because of this.
That being said, just because a man uses pornography doesn't mean he doesn't love you or care about you. It could be the complete opposite. He could be watching it because he feels he isn't doing enough for you and wants to gain more experience without technically cheating. He probably doesn't realize the source of his sexual information is doing more harm to your sex life than good. It is important to have open communication with your sexual partner so that this whole mess can be avoided.
The optimistic side of the situation being said, your spouse very well could be watching porn out of truly selfish reasons. Although, 99 times out of 100 it has absolutely nothing to do with you so please try not to take it personally. Whether or not your spouse uses porn does not determine your attractiveness or worth.
It is your responsibility to determine whether or not pornography in your relationship is something that you can live with. If it turns out to be something that you are uncomfortable with no matter how much you try and reason with it, that's okay. You do not have to invite anything into your life that you do not truly want. You control your own comforts. Do not settle for less than what's best for you.
A small tip to those who don’t know the difference between lovemaking and the porn experience: Most women do not want to experience pain, discomfort, total domination, etc., during lovemaking. The women you see on the computer are actors who are doing what they're told for a paycheck. 99% of the time, women do not want this. Unless you have had a talk with your spouse ahead of time about likes and dislikes and are sure that you know their needs, wants, and desires like the back of your hand, don't assume your wife wants to be deep throated while you call her a little slut. Don't assume she wants to be your little toy, and that you can go as hard and as fast as you please. Don't think that she isn't concerned about her own needs as much as she, and you, are about yours. If you find yourself doing these things or thinking about doing them, talk with your partner first before acting them out.
Practice open communication with your partner.
“It takes two to tango” means much more than just the physical act of ‘dancing.’ Both partners need to be able to communicate openly with each other. The more clear the communication is, the closer the two become to mastering the art of the dance. It is when translucent communication occurs that the partners are able to learn even the most intimate of steps.
Master dancers aren't in competition with each other; they aren't trying to race to the finish line. They calculate each step with as much thought for their partner as the partner also does for them which results in the smooth, satisfyingly exciting dance. These dancers definitely deserve a gold medal for mastering the art of communication.
If you don't like something, say it. If you want something, say it. Your partner can not read your mind. If they are a right match for you, they probably want to know they are doing a good job at satisfying your needs and will appreciate input on how to do just that.
Us human beings are naturally sensitive creatures. Some much more than others, but we all have the ability to pick up on the energy of others, especially those who are closest to us. If you're not enjoying yourself, your partner will most likely notice. Don't lie or hide how you feel or what you want. This isn't right or fair for anyone involved. Be aware of your partners feelings and needs as much as your own by keeping the line of communication open.
Take responsibility for your own pleasure.
When we completely depend on others, we will always be disappointed. This truth applies to all aspects of our lives, including moments of intimacy. We can't blame our loving, generous partners for our inability to have a strong orgasm (or any at all). When your spouse seems to be trying and we just aren't feeling it, the problem doesn't lie within them, it's an issue within ourselves, and here's why:
In America, women are told during pregnancy to do “kegels” to prepare the pelvic floor for delivery, and to strengthen it afterwards. This is about as far as instruction concerning vaginal care goes. We aren't even instructed from a young age to do Kegels regularly throughout our lives. We are told that our vaginas will snap back into place after childbirth, and that we won't have to worry about feeling ‘loose.’ This is partially true, the vagina does go back to the same size and shape as it was before labor and delivery, but the muscles themselves become significantly weaker. This is where urinary incontinence and less sensation during intercourse comes into play.
Some women are unable to experience intense vaginal orgasms before giving birth, and afterwards the weak sensations seem to disappear all together. Some of us may have never been able to experience any kind of orgasm at all!
I am here to tell you that there is plenty of action, and preventative action that will help you not only avoid and fix these problems, but you can actually have more strength and sensation than ever before!
There are exercises more advanced than Kegels.
We aren't told during P.E in high school that our vagina is a muscle capable of being exercised like any other muscle, so it may seem strange to treat it as such. But that's exactly what we as women who care about our reproductive health should be doing. When we don't exercise, we become weak and less energetic, we may feel pain, the muscles begin to atrophy, and many health risks rise due to the neglect our body experiences. Our vaginas aren't any different just because they aren't talked about as often or as openly as biceps and abs.
The advanced kegel exercises i am about to share with you will boost your vaginal strength, heighten sex drive, increase vaginal sensitivity, fix hormonal imbalances, and enable more intense orgasms. This is something every woman and girl should know about because it is so powerful at preventing reproductive issues.
While doing Kegels, we single out the vagina and the anus. The more advanced version is felt throughout both of these areas, along with your uterus, ovaries, and in your lower back around the kidneys.
Stand or sit straight and place your hands over your uterine area.
Slightly angle the hips forward, similar to how you do when you flex your buttocks.
Gently flex your vagina and anus like you would during a kegel, but instead of singling out the vagina and anus, allow all of the muscles that naturally want to flex as well, i.e., your lower abs.
Once you are able to flex all of the surrounding muscles, intensify the flex so that it is felt ‘inside’ of the uterus. If you are doing this properly, you will be able to notice the warm energy radiating inside of your ovaries and throughout your lower back as well!
Advanced Exercise for Vagina:
Rotate your hips VERY SLIGHTLY in a clockwise direction 9 or so times, taking the time to completely relax the flexed muscles in between each rotation. Complete relaxation is absolutely important so do not cheat.
After the 9th time, intensely flex the muscles so you feel the sensation in your ovaries, and then relax completely. Do this 9 times as well.
Do the rotations again, but this time go in a counterclockwise direction.
This whole exercise takes about 5 minutes, but after doing this for about a week you will notice an intense difference in strength and feeling.
Let's talk about yoni eggs.
There is still so much more we can do, starting with ‘yoni eggs.’ This is a small, egg shaped device that you insert into the vagina. You hold it in while you go throughout your day. You can perform kegels, or even better, ‘advanced Kegels’ for a more enhanced effect. Yoni eggs have been used all over the world for centuries because of their miraculous health benefits.
Vaginal weight lifting is a real thing.
Some yoni eggs have predrilled holes in them specifically for the purpose of adding a stringed weight to them. When weight is added, like any other muscle, we are able to exercise and strengthen the vaginal muscles more intensely than we would by using only our body. The idea of lifting weights with your vagina can seem a bit intimidating, but your body will love you for it! So few women are doing this, that once you start it's almost certain that your spouse will have no other experience like the one he will share with you!
Vaginal weights paired with the advanced kegel exercises will boost your vaginal strength, heighten sex drive, increase vaginal sensitivity, and enable more intense orgasms. On top of that, sometimes it's just fun to see random objects hanging from your vagina.
(Yes, I just said that out loud.)
Eat a healthy diet
The body needs high quality fluids and food to keep itself running like a finely oiled machine. The term “you are what you eat” should be taken literally, because what you eat becomes the materials used in the natural regeneration process that all bodies go through. When we feed ourselves junk lacking in necessary nutrients, our bodies have to find ways to compensate for this loss. This is usually done by diverting our organs from their normal job to perform in ways that will produce the missing nutrients. This quickly becomes detrimental to our overall health as our organs can not handle the heavy workload that has suddenly been forced upon it.
By ensuring that we eat plenty of natural, live foods we are protecting our bodies from unnecessary health problems. The reproductive system, especially that of a woman who regenerates parts of itself during every menstrual cycle, absolutely requires a sufficient amount of healthful nutrients.
Also, for those of us who enjoy oral sex, remembering that we are what we eat can become crucial to the taste of your natural fluids.
Would you rather subject your loving partner to the byproduct of hot cheetos and diet pepsi or pineapples and natural spring water?
Speaking of water,
Many of us just don't drink enough of it! To keep the body running smoothly, you need to drink half of your weight in ounces of water every single day. Not juice, not coffee, not water with flavoring drops in it. The digestive system treats liquids separate from pure drinking water the same way it treats food. Our bodies desperately need raw water for optimal health.
Another thing to keep in mind when we reach for the soda bottle on the counter is that Plasma is 92% water which makes up 55% of our blood volume! This is a small example of how abundantly water can be found and shows how crucially it is needed. Water is an irreplaceable and necessary liquid. It needs to be supplied abundantly every single day to keep our bodies running smoothly.
Ladies (and any gentlemen that may still be reading), a happy and successful sex life starts within. When we take proper care of ourselves by choosing to eat and drink the healthiest options available to us, exercise daily, and use our voices to communicate with our loving partners, that dull, uncomfortable sex life will disappear.
This article got a little long so part 2 will be coming soon for all who seek the secrets to fix their sex life!
-Be Divine. Bodivine.